tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26173140823733409572024-03-08T01:48:42.882-08:00The Wedding JournalA blog about brides, grooms, and other forces of nature.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-1394837163203828022013-08-02T14:33:00.001-07:002013-08-02T14:33:35.159-07:00Words, Words, Words"You're good with words." I get that a lot. But the truth of the matter is that words are not my friends. In fact, we struggle against each other every day since I make my living as a writer at my day job. When I am trying to assemble text for something about which I have no real passion, I sometimes wonder what it might have been like if I had decided to pursue a career as a social worker, or a carrot farmer. Anything, anything but as a writer.<br />
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The mood usually passes, and I invariably finish the assignment without missing a deadline. But there are days when I want to shut off my computer and just walk away after tossing a match backwards through the door on my way out.<br />
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I have stood before countless brides and grooms and repeated words for them that moved them to tears. And I have stood beside too many caskets, and beside too many gravesites, and hoped that the words I have prepared will bring some measure of comfort to the shattered relatives and grieving friends who have gathered.<br />
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However, words really are my enemies when I need to them line up strong and perfect to help me rescue the broken heart of a friend -- somebody I truly know and who trusts me to help -- who calls me with hard news. A medical test has delivered a death sentence, a child has died, a beloved spouse has had a stroke and will not recover. These personally monumental events are just small clouds in the infinite storm of human existence, but they completely take over the soul when they arrive in one's personal sky. I know that, and what I want to do is comfort, console, lift a burden, provide some relief. And because I am emotionally invested, I fear I will fail.<br />
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But what I do is roll around wrestling with words. Words that don't truly convey how precious life is, how fleeting, and how capricious. That can't express what loving somebody feels like when after 50 years the beloved is suddenly so completely gone from sight -- yet the birds still sing, and the paper lands in the driveway. <br />
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So I turn on the computer, and I utter my own mantra. "Please, God, just help me say it. Just one more time. And this time it's really important."<br />
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And I hope it's God that answers, because words usually find their way to my fingers, and onto the computer. And eventually they become a part of a memorial service, or a prayer vigil. And often I am reading what I have written hoping that words and I have both done our work well. <br />
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I'm not good with words. But they haven't beaten me. Not yet.<br />
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Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-9729955628930407892011-10-04T15:15:00.000-07:002011-10-04T15:44:12.961-07:00The DressI found her out in the barn, 20 minutes or so before the wedding was to start. She was still in her jeans, but she'd had her shower. She said, "Is it that late already?"<br /><br />I said, "My only rule is that we begin when the bride is ready. And since you're the bride, we will wait."<br /><br />She looked at me and I saw a flicker of desperation go across her face. I asked, "Are you nervous?"<br /><br />She said, "Not about marrying John. We've been together 22 years and we have grandkids."<br /><br />I prompted her, "What is it?"<br /><br />She said, "It's that damn dress. My grandmother and mother have lost their minds."<br /><br />"How bad can it be?" I asked.<br /><br />"Have you seen it?" she asked me. "It's huge. I'm 42 years old. I raise horses. I'm getting married in a double-wide. There's not going to be room for the dress, and I don't know if I am strong enough to move in it."<br /><br />I coaxed her out of the barn with a vague promise to get her through, no matter what it took. The groom, John, watched us walk towards the porch. "Brenda," he said, "I think you'd best wrestle into that dress. They're all waiting."<br /><br />She nodded her head, and went inside. I followed her, and there it was. The Dress. It was hanging from a door, and its skirt seemed to reach for several feet. The sleeves were lace, and the skirt had ruffles from the waist to the hem. Brenda looked at me as if to say, "See what I mean?"<br /><br />Her mother and grandmother sat in the living room, their eyes shining with pride. I soon learned that they had bought the dress years before for Brenda in the fond hope that the day would come that she would be a bride, even if it came after she was a mother and a grandmother herself. So, now that the day had in fact come, they were resolute that it was going to include The Dress.<br /><br />I said to Brenda, "Put it on, and we will figure out how to navigate the double-wide."<br /><br />In a few minutes, she called for me to come retrieve her, and we maneuvered her into the hallway of the mobile home. Her mother and grandmother gasped in delight. "Brenda, you look beautiful," they said. John quite wisely said nothing, and just smiled.<br /><br />Brenda walked sort of sideways down the hallway of the double-wide, and we guided her to a corner of the living room where an archway filled with handmade paper flowers awaited. John stood quietly, and a little boy with a clip on tie said to me, "My mimi and papa are getting married."<br /><br />"I know," I told him. "I'm the minister." And then we began.<br /><br />Brenda's mother and grandmother signed the marriage license, and in an hour or so Brenda and The Dress had arrived safely into the realm of matrimony.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-13246479924330801272011-09-17T09:26:00.000-07:002011-09-17T09:45:37.513-07:00The Extortion Factor of WeddingsI recently met with one of my favorite young couples whose wedding is coming up soon. In the course of what is now a relaxed conversation between us, the groom told me about another wedding of a (former) best friend who is being married in a few weeks. Apparently his (former) best friend (FBF) expects him to help fund a bachelor's party in Las Vegas -- airline tickets, hotel rooms, shows, etc. <br /><br />I must have given my best deer in the headlights impression, because my groom went on to explain that it's a common problem these days. You are asked to be a wedding attendant for a friend, and you find yourself on the hook for hundreds -- even thousands -- of dollars in "must dos." Showers, bachelor and bachelorette parties, etc., etc. There is nothing optional about it, either. You take on honor of being photographed all day in rented plastic shoes or wearing a dress that looks good on everybody else but you -- and you pay, through the nose, for the honor.<br /><br />My bride also told me that one of her friends was told to get a series of microdermabrasion treatments so she would "look better in the photographs." <br /> <br />I was truly stunned. What kind of self-focused, egotistical, delusional level of an attitude of entitlement does it take to make these kinds of demands? On bridal party members?<br /><br />A final note: My groom told his FBF that because his own wedding was so close at hand and he and his fiancee were paying for everything themselves, he would have to bow out of the festivities for any wedding other than his own.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-40380947656591830922011-07-09T14:25:00.000-07:002011-07-09T14:36:13.489-07:00Parents NOT Behaving BadlyI officiated recently at the wedding of a couple who each had a complete set of parents and stepparents. They also wanted their mothers, stepmothers, fathers, and stepfathers to participate in the pouring of sand during the unity sand ceremony. <br /><br />I watched the families gather for the wedding of their much-beloved (and I guess you could say multi-beloved)children, and just sent up a silent prayer that everything went smoothly and that everybody remained on their best behavior.<br /><br />I could have spared myself a bit of anxiety. Regardless of what rancor might have existed in the past (and I did not ask, nor would I ever ask) -- not a whiff of it could be detected during the wedding itself. Everybody paid attention to the words being spoken, and did their best to maintain an air of affectionate decorum for every part of the ceremony. <br /><br />The gift those parents and stepparents gave the couple being married was an example of true community, and unselfish love. They put aside their own issues, and acted like truly loving adults. The photos will reflect smiles, genuine good will, and a magical couple of hours when everybody offered true best wishes and congratulations to a very sincere couple embarking on one of life's most important journeys.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-81516906260634416722011-07-05T14:02:00.000-07:002011-07-05T14:30:30.127-07:00Etiquette versus MannersWe all know just enough etiquette to cause us problems -- especially if there's a wedding involved. It seems that once the ring is on the bride-to-be's finger, somebody's mother or grandmother drags out the etiquette book, and the tensions start to build.<br /><br />Speaking as the daughter of a woman who authored several etiquette books over the course of her professional lifetime, I will quote my mother. "Etiquette is protocol, and most people don't really give a damn about how things were done in the royal courts for hundreds of years. But manners are what make it possible for ordinary people to deal with each other more comfortably."<br /><br />Etiquette used to be (and probably still is) what divided the social classes. The great unwashed was not versed in the subtle nuances of "proper behavior." Manners are the small actions that convey respect and smooth interaction between people. <br /><br />When you're planning any kind of event, rely less on what the etiquette books dictate that you do, and more on what your sense of kindness and compassion tell you should be done. (But write those thank you notes by hand! It's still a no-no to email them.)Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-7275598132755918482011-07-01T15:32:00.000-07:002011-07-01T15:44:56.879-07:00Planning Ahead in Uncertain TimesThe stationery stores and card shops all have beautiful wedding planning notebooks. There are books galore that would imply that every bride sits in a candle-scented room for months and plans each and every detail of a wedding that knows no bounds except her romantic imagination. This only happens in a parallel universe.<br /><br />The simple fact is that brides -- even royal brides -- are real women living real lives. And right now, times are hard all over the world, and the only thing that can be counted on is that something is bound to happen that a bride hasn't counted on.<br /><br />Does this mean that today's bride should abandon her favorite daydreams of ribbons and flowers (or feathers and beads -- whatever)? Absolutely not. When it comes to weddings, compromise and a willingness to be flexible are the keys to happy memories after a day that is thought back on for all the right reasons.<br /><br />Taking reasonable precautions is also essential. When selecting a venue, be certain that it is one that will still be in business when your big day arrives. Do not select a venue strictly for its looks and the seemingly unbelievable deal you can get for no apparent reason. Ask the proprietor outright, "Do you own this location, or lease it?" And if the answer is lease, ask another hard question, "Is there any chance at all that you won't be in operation when it is time for my wedding?"<br /><br />Slight variations to these two questions -- depending on the service being contracted for -- are a good hedge against heartbreak later on. Google the name of the florist, photographer, officiant, dress shop, etc. -- and see what may have been posted online. <br /><br />But most of all, don't get yourself into situations that could break your heart along with your budget later on.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-18086477908541072572011-06-21T16:51:00.000-07:002011-06-21T17:10:30.533-07:00Weddings and the RecessionIt's no secret that the country has been in a recession. Almost every facet of our existence has been impacted either directly -- with the reduction of income or the loss of jobs -- or indirectly in the form of the emotional toll that hard times take on the collection consciousness. <br /><br />Initially, many wedding services and vendors clung to the folk wisdom that weddings (and funerals) are "recession-proof." What I have observed is that although people are not refraining from dying during the downturn (although many funerals are definitely feeling more hands-on and homespun than they have in recent years) -- many couples are definitely postponing the wedding until better days. That doesn't necessarily mean that they aren't getting married. But the celebration itself -- the dresses, cake, flowers, and photographs -- are often being pushed into the future.<br /><br />Although many couples are choosing prolonged cohabitation over a civil ceremony, others are still tying the knot legally. A genuine deterrent, at least in Arizona, has been the steady increase in the cost of the license itself. By the time a couple leaves the courthouse, they are out about $100 just for the license itself. If they choose to complete the job before they leave the tender embrace of the courthouse, there are additional costs, and a marrying atmosphere about as tender as the department of motor vehicles. <br /><br />I encourage couples who want to marry but can't afford a wedding to procure their license, and then find a sympathetic and affordable officiant (I am one) and a couple of witnesses to seal the deal. It can be a day that feels like a real wedding, but costs exactly the same as a stripped bare civil ceremony. <br /><br />The recession will eventually ease up, or people will decide that life goes on, regardless of what the economy does. I predict that we will figure out again how to observe the special times and celebrate them. As a society, we always do.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-41100000540400956262011-06-20T10:07:00.001-07:002011-06-20T10:13:50.039-07:00Use Your Gifts"Use your gifts." When my mom said it, she usually meant my creative gifts, or something equally as abstract.<br /><br />As an officiant who sees a lot of wedding presents in the course of my work, I say, "Use your gifts," and I am talking about the coffee cups, tea towels, and all the nice things marrying couples get to celebrate their new life together. Except for many, the celebration never gets off the ground with the very items people have chosen lovingly.<br /><br />I went to an estate sale recently, and noticed that many of the items appeared to be wedding gifts from the 1950s, still in their original boxes -- unopened, saved, and put away until later. The antique dealers who definitely came later in this couple's life were delighted. I wondered how many holidays, or just rainy Tuesday afternoons, might have been made more special if somebody had worked up the courage to break out a stack of dessert dishes or light candles in the silver candle-holders.<br /><br />Use your gifts. Get them out, put them on the table or in the bathroom, and make them a part of your existence. Life is very, very short. Observe every day as if it is a gift, too. Because it is.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-86943916122787179492011-06-08T15:43:00.000-07:002011-06-08T15:49:46.421-07:00Remembering Missing Loved Ones at a WeddingThere are many ways to honor the ones who can't be present in body at your wedding, but are either there in spirit, or as a treasured memory. For example, a chair with a single rose can be used to symbolize somebody who is absent from the celebration. Or, a table can be set up with photos and/or items that represent missing family members. One bride with limited space displayed a single colorful bouquet with vastly varied flowers in a dramatic crystal vase. To each flower, she tied a person's name. The rose was for her mother, the daisy for her grandmother, etc. She also found some very ornate rooster feathers to complete the arrangement, for the groom's grandfather who had been a farmer.<br /><br />If a visual representation isn't exactly what you have in mind, how about offering a selection of music that is meaningful? This can be done either during the wedding itself, or at the reception. If you can't face having a father/daughter dance without Dad, why not consider having a slide show during the song that reminds you of him? <br /><br />Just because somebody you love is beyond the reach of your arms, doesn't mean that your heart can't hold him or her close.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-31655959139831769862011-05-23T10:22:00.001-07:002011-05-23T10:37:53.872-07:00Being a Gracious Gift ReceiverEngagements begin an onslaught of gift buying and receiving. Which end of the process you are on often depends on who you are in the wedding scenario. If you are a bride or groom, you may be up to your nuptials in wrapping paper. Most of the gifts to you will be from family and friends. However, many couples give gifts to each other, and therein lies the potential for a great token of love to be offered and received -- or feelings to be hurt intensely at an already emotionally-charged time.<br /><br />In my experience (and after so many years, it is vast and varied)women tend to be the worst offenders when it comes to being lousy recipients of presents. There is a tendency to be a critic of what is being offered, and to ignore the intent of the giver. Of particular annoyance to me is the unrealistic expectation of many brides (probably spurred on by television commercials and the often predatory "wedding industry") over the appropriate size and cost of engagement rings. An engagement ring is a gift. It is a token of love and affection. Being a pill about carat size is not just ungracious -- it's greedy. <br /><br />I knew one groom who spent weeks shopping for and outfitting a toolbox for his fiancee to carry with her in the trunk of her car when she traveled. He humbled himself and bought "cute" tools, and all kinds of road flares, reflectors, etc. His underlying message was, "I want you to be safe and taken care of no matter where you are." Fortunately, his bride understood his intention, and made a big fuss (in the good sense) over his gift. He loved her, he showed it in his efforts, and she responded with love in return. That's the way it's supposed to go.<br /><br />It's a rough world, and the way we pay tribute to each other is incredibly important. Try to be sensitive to the underlying motive and message of what your beloved selects not only for an engagement or wedding gift -- but for anniversary presents, Mothers Day, birthdays, etc. I think the saddest words I ever hear anybody say about a spouse -- and one's that are a heads-up for potential problems later on -- are, "She/he never likes anything I do."Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-91623330923100877362011-05-09T13:10:00.000-07:002011-05-09T13:19:09.426-07:00A Word to Photographers About the Marriage LicenseI take the proper signing of the marriage license very seriously, for my couples who are fortunate enough to be recognized as legal partners in the state where I officiate weddings. I also understand the "photo op" characteristics of the signing of a marriage license. I get it. However, I have begun to get testy when a photographer grabs the license away from a couple mid-signature to get a better angle, or otherwise interferes with the execution of a very important document. It's not a prop. It's an important piece of paper that has often created many challenges for a couple to procure.<br /><br />I am tolerant of whatever photos a photographer and a couple agree they want. I will cooperate with almost anything. However, I am beginning to push back -- HARD -- when the license is manhandled or not treated with the seriousness that it deserves. It's my responsibility to make sure that it is signed, sealed, and delivered in accordance with the law. My couples deserve at least that much from me.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-37253258089754941292011-05-09T09:48:00.000-07:002011-05-09T09:52:54.258-07:00Virginia's House -- Yesterday Meets Today's WeddingsNatalie Stahl, owner of Virginia’s House and co-founder of the West Valley Wedding Association, takes pride in the family-like atmosphere and attention she devotes to brides that marry in her home. Virginia’s House is the West Valley’s original "boutique" event venue.<br /><br />Founded in November 1998, this charming wedding and reception venue is located in historic downtown Glendale. Virginia’s House is listed on the National Registry of Historic Places as the CH Tinker home, built in 1913. The grounds include the home, a spacious lawn with gazebo for ceremonies, stunning flower gardens, and a covered patio for receptions. <br /><br />While Virginia’s House can accommodate parties of up to 125 people, Natalie notes that a trend she has seen for fall 2011 and spring 2012 is that “weddings/receptions are getting smaller (guest size). Our economic climate has forced people to pare down their parties while still keeping them memorable and fantastic.” <br /><br />Unlike many venues that are new to the wedding business, Natalie has more than a decade of experience “giving our brides the best possible wedding experience with the vendors that I love the most.” <br /><br />This experience, she says, differentiates Virginia’s House from other wedding reception venues. “We have been in business since 1998 and have learned the ropes. We have lots of weddings under our belt and lots of continuing friends because of it. We love our brides like family and try to stay in touch with them,” Natalie added.<br /><br />This personalized experience is one of the reasons Virginia’s House has won WeddingWire Bride’s Choice Award in 2009, 2010 and 2011. In 2010, they were awarded the Ruth Byrne Historic Preservation Award. <br /><br />While Virginia’s House is known for hosting weddings and receptions, they actually hold many kinds of events, including showers, luncheons, retirement parties and even proms. Wedding prices range from $150-$3,675. For brides on a budget, Natalie stated, “Is our pricing outside your budget? Just ask. There are many ways we can help trim it down to fit. We even have all-inclusive packages if that’s what you’re looking for.”<br /><br />Natalie’s dedication to making a wedding memorable and stress-free is evident in her advice to Phoenix area brides and grooms: “Have fun! This is one of the greatest times of your lives – make it memorable for the right reasons. And let us help where we can. We’ve been doing this a long time and can help take the stress away.”<br /><br />Contact information: <br />Email: info@virginiashouse.com<br />Address: 6838 N. 59th Drive, Glendale, AZ<br />Facebook: www.facebook.com/virginiashouse,<br />Website: www.virginiashouse.com<br />Phone: 623.435.0878Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-39148158901783446272011-04-19T14:29:00.000-07:002011-04-19T14:31:22.153-07:00Interview with West Valley Wedding AssociationJody Serey of <strong>Spirit and Light</strong> is one of the founding members of the West Valley Wedding Association. Located in Glendale, Arizona, Jody is available for non-religious and religious weddings, vow renewals, commitment ceremonies, memorial services and funerals, and other observances and celebrations.<br />Jody founded <strong>Spirit and Light </strong>in 2001. She has won the Brides’ Choice Award for several years running, including 2011. Her complete services typically run from $150 to $200. She particularly enjoys officiating smaller events because “they tend to be more focused, intimate, and rooted in priorities that I can support with both written text and emotional conviction. Therefore, I try to keep my fees affordable so that almost anybody can secure the services of an officiant who is trained, literate, and really does give a rip about what is going on.” <br /><br />In addition, Jody says her wedding officiant services set her apart in the Valley because “I do not use templates, and each ceremony is created for a particular couple or occasion. The service I provide is uniformly high quality, personal, and professional, regardless of the size of the gathering or the circumstances that have brought us all together.” <br /> <br />For Phoenix area brides who are looking to incorporate some sort of unity ceremony in their wedding, Jody has experience performing sand ceremonies, unity candle ceremonies, hand bindings, rose ceremonies (to honor or thank guests or family members), wine ceremonies, and a variety of other observances and rituals. She can also assist in creating an original commemoration for a particular occasion.<br /><br />When asked about what trends she sees for fall 2011 and spring 2012, Jody stated, “I see a trend away from over the top displays of ‘edginess’ and a return to more meaningful, memorable observances.” <br /><br />When asked what she advice she would offer to a couple making a life commitment, Jody recommends, “Keep your ceremony simple, tender, and worth remembering. It is so much more than just a momentary delay until you can get to the party and the reception.”<br /><br />Jody’s passion for creating personalized wedding ceremonies shows in her work. She also believes it is important that both the wedding officiant and the couple believe they are a good fit for each other. She added, “Every wedding day is remembered. I want my couples to remember theirs for the right reasons.”<br /><br />Contact information: <br />Email: jody@spiritandlight.net<br />Address: 7413 West Oraibi Drive, Glendale, AZ 85308<br />Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/spiritandlight?ref=sgm<br />Blog: http://spiritandlight.blogspot.com/<br />Phone: Office, 623-561-0240; Cell, 623-451-0834Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-23523694551118019192011-04-06T11:51:00.000-07:002011-04-06T11:54:46.372-07:00Hey Bartender!Chad Zaneis founded Hey Bartender! Professional Bartending Services in 2006. Hey Bartender! is a mobile bar service which covers the entire Phoenix metro area. Hey Bartender!, a member of the West Valley Wedding Association, specializes in:<br /><br />• Bartenders-4-Hire--available by-the-hour<br />• Portable bars and frozen drink machine rentals<br />• Full-service beverage packages for any event size/type/location<br /><br /><br />When asked what makes Hey Bartender! different from other Valley bartending providers, Chad stated, “All of our staff is state certified in AZ Liquor Laws and covered under our $2M Liquor Liability Insurance policy, which is double the industry standard. If you don’t have Liquor Insurance you really shouldn’t be serving alcohol on your property in these law-suit-happy times.” <br /><br />Chad added that their flexible services, which start at just $23/hr., are available for all kinds of events, including weddings, birthday and retirement parties, corporate events and more. As the owner of Hey Bartender!, Chad is particularly proud of the local awards his bartending company has garnered, including Best of Phoenix, Merchant Circle top vendor, and Momentville Hotlist member. They were honored in The Wedding Chronicle cover article Best Weddings of 2008. <br /><br />Their clientele include Arizona State University, State of Arizona, UofA Alumni Phoenix Chapter, AMC Movie Theaters, Microsoft, Bebe stores, Vitamin Water, many valley caterers, special event venues, party planners, concierges, professional athletes, political figures, local celebrities and various charitable organizations. In addition, Hey Bartender! will beat any written price quote from any other insured bar service. It’s our Best Price Guarantee and you simply can’t beat it!<br /><br />When asked what trends he sees for fall 2011 and spring 2012 weddings, Chad said, “The classic champagne toast seems to be going away. Also brides and grooms are looking for more unique/untraditional venues for their receptions.” <br /><br />For advice on fun champagne toast alternates, consult with your bartender for options such as a custom cocktail or drink that complements your wedding theme. <br /><br />Chad, who clearly enjoys his job of bringing fun and great service to any event, loves the old Frank Sinatra quote, “I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day." <br /><br />His advice for a stress free event is for brides and grooms to hire good vendors and let them do what it is they get paid to do and life will be good!<br /><br /><br />Contact information:<br />Phone: 602.410 ABAR (2227)<br />Website: www.HeyBartender-AZ.com<br />Email: info@HeyBartender-AZ.com<br />Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Hey-Bartender-LLC-Professional-Bartending-Services/160342796541Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-56470671612082029502011-02-11T12:00:00.000-08:002011-02-11T12:12:05.776-08:00Why I'm Not ExpensiveMy work as an officiant falls somewhere between a ministry and a sole proprietorship. My goal is not money-oriented, but I do need to make something to keep going. However, my financial hybrid status also causes some conflicts.<br /><br />I prefer weddings that do not resemble coronations. I find that the smaller events tend to be more focused, intimate, and rooted in priorities that I can support with both text and conviction. Therefore, I try to keep my fees affordable so that almost anybody can secure the services of an officiant who is trained, literate, and really does give a rip about what is going on. <br /><br />However, because I am affordable, I am sometimes seen as being naive, "not upscale," and status deprived. Somebody actually said to me, "I think you get what you pay for. So I want to pay more than you charge."<br /><br />I am actually okay with all of that.<br /><br />If a couple wants to pay an exorbitant amount to somebody to marry them, and it will make them feel "more married," I say go for it. But you won't be hiring me.<br /><br />In the meantime, I have made the decision to stick with my modest rates, because I think it's the right thing to do. Somebody has to draw the line, and I just did.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-39167821732603495002011-02-10T10:26:00.000-08:002011-02-10T10:34:20.891-08:00Les Enfants Terribles: When the Sugar and Spice Are RancidAs an officiant, I am more than an a casual observer of small children. Many are members of wedding parties, and their willingness as participants in their parents' pageants varies dramatically. Others are young guests at the weddings in question. Over the past several years, I have noticed what I think is a distinct trend among very young girls -- particularly those ages 4 and younger. Many of them are adorable to look at, and demonic to deal with.<br /><br />What is going on out there in Princess Land? And, if a little girl child has been cultivated into budding as a very tiny monster, what will happen when she hits the tween years?<br /><br />I will freely admit that I haven't raised a small child in a couple of decades. But my experience is far more recent than prehistoric, and I am stunned at what passes as passable public behavior for very short females.<br /><br />I think we could be in for a really rough ride with teenage girls in about ten years. In the meantime, I am considering investing in some shin-guards.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-80109598882041175772011-01-10T10:17:00.000-08:002011-01-10T10:27:23.231-08:00Small Wedding, Big MemoriesSomebody commented to me recently that I must love doing "small" weddings because they are "easier." <br /><br />There is nothing "easy" about any wedding that is officiated with the proper amount of respect given to the enormity of the life event unfolding -- however simple the setting or the observance. I am also keenly aware that the intimacy of a small wedding is far greater than anything that can be observed by a crowd. (How much "up close and personal" do you think Prince William and his bride will actually experience?)<br /><br />As an officiant, I strive to do my best work when I know that every word, every gesture, every facial expression is in full view of everybody in the room. And because there are few distractions, there are fewer places to hide when something isn't exactly right. On the other hand, the closeness in proximity to each other of the participants in the celebration of a small wedding means that there is more genuine communication and less empty pageantry and posturing.<br /><br />So no -- "small" weddings are not easier. In fact, in many ways they require more work on my part. However, they remain my favorite celebrations of any kind, and I am always delighted when somebody says of their upcoming special day, "It won't be very big..."Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-79836940167899091222010-11-30T05:52:00.000-08:002010-11-30T06:14:00.230-08:00The Photographer From HellI recently officiated a wedding for a very gentle, soft-spoken couple who selected a Japanese garden for their ceremony. Their lighting was subtle, and their understated celebration promised to be enhanced by the sound of a small waterfall, and birds singing. Then the photographer arrived, dragging her step ladder and her attitude behind her. The fact that she looked like somebody's kindly grandmother only added to the irony that her initial snideness soon gave way to pure venom, and verbal abuse. The bride -- who was intensely shy anyway -- soon gave way to tears, and her carefully applied make-up threatened to run down her face. I waited for somebody, somewhere, to say something. Nobody did. They were either too intimidated -- or too shocked -- to react.<br /><br />I have only one rule as an officiant: nobody makes my bride cry. And I mean nobody. So, I very quietly stepped in and made some threats that will remain between me, Mrs. Satan, and the spirit of my mother who taught me to behave better than I actually did. However, the photographer reined in her serpent's tongue, and I engaged the services of the wedding coordinator to make sure that she didn't unleash on my hapless bride the minute my back was turned.<br /><br />I overstepped my bounds. It is usually not appropriate for the officiant to engage in tussles with other vendors without the specific permission of the couple. However, I knew the day was about to be ruined for a young woman and her sweet new husband, and I didn't want it to happen. <br /><br />The photographer is not in charge of the day. Nor is the DJ, the officiant, or the caterer. The wedding is the province of the couple being married. When that simple fact is not respected, disaster can strike. Or, I will...Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-89108968504491273842010-09-22T05:49:00.000-07:002010-09-22T05:59:28.394-07:00Sand Ceremony: Blending a Family With Young and Grown ChildrenThe sand ceremony is a versatile unity observance. In its most simple form, the bridal couple pours two containers of sand into a third empty vessel to symbolize the blending of the particles of their lives to create something altogether new that will never be separated again. It's a wonderful visual of what has just occurred spiritually.<br /><br />In the case of a couple bringing children into a marriage -- especially children of varying ages -- the sand ceremony can be a way for the entire blended family to participate in a ritual action together. Each child can have a separate vial of sand of a different color and add it to the family "mix." In the instance that the ages of the children vary and an older child isn't comfortable pouring sand with a toddler, or a child of any age is unable to be present at the wedding, the parent of the child may add sand on behalf of his or her son or daughter to the container. <br /><br />The implicit message of the sand ceremony is, "You are everything you were before, and now you have a family who surrounds you."<br /><br />This is a reassuring message for anybody at any time -- but especially for the child of a parent who is remarrying.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-427215043532469252010-09-21T17:24:00.000-07:002010-09-21T17:26:43.975-07:00Special Observances and Specialty CeremoniesA quick trip to the Internet will yield many suggestions for special observances within a wedding or unity ceremony. They range from the beautiful to the “are you kidding me?” and from the sacred to the silly. Here are a few that I have incorporated many times into weddings and celebrations.<br /><br />The unity candle is one of most well know side ceremonies in the wedding. It is usually done with two taper candles and one large candle. The tapers are lit before the ceremony, sometimes by the mothers of the bride and groom. During the ceremony the bride and groom take the tapers and light the middle candle signifying two people becoming one family unit. Sometimes other candles can be lit in honor of children in the family. A unity candle in an outdoor ceremony can sometimes be a challenge. I recommend that a tea light in a votive holder to be lit and placed on the table in case the wind blows out the tapers and it is needed to ignite the wicks.<br /><br />A blown-out candle is only a minor inconvenience, and not an omen. It in no way reflects on the future prospects of the marriage.<br /><br />The sand ceremony can be an alternative to a unity candle for some couples. Containers are needed -- one container to pour the sand into, and smaller containers that the sand is poured from. Plain or colored sand can be found at craft stores, or sand can be collected from beaches from prior vacation destinations, from the desert, etc. This ceremony can be created for just the couple or can include as many people as they desire. The bride and groom pour their two containers of sand into the vessel simultaneously. A small amount of sand can be left in each container to symbolize that although the couple is joined, both people remain individuals. If desired, other family members can be asked to pour a container of sand into the vessel. I have created a passage that is read while the sand is poured. <br /><br />Hand-binding is also called hand-fasting. It appears in most cultures in one form or the other, and in many major religions. Its meaning is essentially the same from culture to culture and religion to religion, in that it is symbolic of the couple’s “oneness” and unity. The form I use is basically Celtic. I ask the bride and groom place their hands on top of each other, and then drape a decorated cord around them to symbolize that the couple has bound their lives together. We can also make a “sandwich” of hands when a couple has children they want to include in the ceremony as a symbol that everybody is now tied together as a family.<br /><br />The rose ceremony is used to thank or honor guests or family members. A rose or other flower is handed to the honored person in the gathering. I usually write the reason for the rose presentation into the ceremony. In one ceremony, the roses were given to the co-workers in honor of a co-worker who had just passed away. Often the ceremony is used to thank parents and grandparents for being there for the couple throughout their lives.<br /><br />Another unity ceremony is a wine ceremony. Three glasses -- one empty, one with white wine, and one with red wine -- are placed on a table. The bride pours the white wine, while the groom pours the red wine into the empty glass. They then sip from the glass of the combined wines. The desired effect is a pink wine, and often the color is much better than the actual taste. However, since the ceremony is symbolic, most couples don’t worry too much about how the blend actually works together except for the hue.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-79428862760290937922010-09-20T19:16:00.000-07:002010-09-20T19:20:19.017-07:00Bridal BattlesI’m what is often called a secular or civil officiant. In short, I do mostly weddings and funerals, and other life celebrations of one kind or the other. On a recent Saturday, I was called to officiate at the wedding of a particularly nice couple, who were getting married despite ferocious opposition from her parents. The groom was African American, his bride was Anglo, her daughter was multiracial, and they are expecting a baby — a detail that had sent her parents into a moralistic rage. <br /><br />Each half of the couple was well-mannered, well-educated, well-spoken, gainfully employed, and completely serious about the commitment they were making together. Her grandmother and aunt were on hand. His parents and godparents had accompanied him. Everyone in attendance was gracious, kind, and loving — in direct contrast to her parents, who refused to attend, had made absolutely ridiculous threats and statements, and kept their supposedly treasured daughter in tears on what should have been a happy day. <br /><br />I sat with the bride for awhile as she blinked back her tears. I said to her, “Nobody has to get married these days. It isn’t required in many people’s minds. You two are exchanging vows because you love each other, you want your children to be raised in a stable home, and you believe you are ready to make sacred promises to each other and God. If that isn’t reason enough for happiness, then nothing is. Don’t let anybody destroy the joy of this day for you and Allen. And don’t let anybody cast dispersions on your innocent children.”<br /><br />When she and her groom walked down the path of the little garden where I waited to marry them, they were both smiling. And I thought of what her parents had denied themselves because they wanted to “teach her a lesson.” They won’t have memories of their own daughter looking beautiful, and smiling into the face of a very fine man. They didn’t get to see their six-year old granddaughter help me with the rings, and turn the pages of my book. They won’t have any firsthand memories at all of what was a sweet and sacred day.<br /><br />They won’t be able to erase the memory of them that now everybody has — even I have it, and I have never met them face to face. To all concerned, they are the ones who abandoned their daughter and granddaughter, and would not take the high road. But most of all, they are just losers.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-16590294623869586372010-09-14T08:52:00.000-07:002010-09-14T09:02:19.602-07:00Shifting SandsThe sand ceremony has become an increasingly requested unity observance within a wedding ceremony. The basic premise is that each member of a couple pours a vial of colorful sand into a larger container, and the grains from the couple's vials mix together so that the grains can never be separated again. The sand ceremony is especially appropriate when families are being blended by a marriage, and children are coming along for the ride on the journey on which their parents have embarked. <br /><br />A bridal couple with children often opts to include the children in the sand ceremony. However, when a child of a bride or groom does not want to participate directly, there is another way to keep the symbolism intact. <br /><br />A vial of sand representing the absent or non-participating child can be added to his or her parent's vial. And then the combined vial is added to the mix. The whole point of the sand ceremony is that the grains of sand are intermingled to create something new and different.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-79255737369727030612010-06-24T09:23:00.000-07:002010-06-24T09:31:59.696-07:00Buy or Rent?Despite the changes in contemporary wedding practices -- the groom can no longer just "show up" on the big day -- the bride is usually the one under the fashion microscope. However, the groom does have some decisions to make. To tux, or not not tux -- that is the question.<br /><br />A bit of retail reality right now is that sales of dress and formal wear are so soft they are squishy. Perhaps a "right" wedding wear decision for a man right now is to consider buying. Especially if a suit is involved. For just about the price of a rental, a beautiful suit can be all his. And he can wear it later. (I know, that's what bridesmaids always hear about their dresses -- but in the case of a dark suit for a man, it happens to be true.)<br /><br />There are sales galore right now, even at the high end stores. Check out the bargains before you commit to a rental. When it comes time for the next job interview, funeral, or even anniversary dinner out, he will be happy to have something appropriate to wear already hanging in his closet.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-31905150447056708032010-06-22T11:04:00.000-07:002010-06-22T11:20:55.824-07:00The Selection Process -- It's a Two-Way StreetWhen I first became a wedding officiant, I accepted almost every invitation to officiate that was extended to me. It never occurred to me to decline a request, and I almost never did, unless there was a scheduling conflict involved. However, over the years I have learned that if the little voice in my head says "run like the wind," I politely decline a wedding and go on with my life.<br /><br />The times that I fought my own instincts were memorable. In most instances, I had hoped that my misgivings would be proven wrong, but they never were. <br /><br />I am much more careful these days. I have found that my own perference is for smaller, lower profile weddings. I still do many large, fancy weddings -- but I often feel like a prop in somebody's Broadway production. If I catch a whiff ahead of time of anything resembling an upcoming episode for reality television, I try to suggest another officiant with more love of show business than I possess.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2617314082373340957.post-44958423773087891672010-06-01T14:12:00.000-07:002010-06-01T14:24:01.678-07:00Sand Ceremony: Who Brings the Stuff?Every wedding planning guide breaks down the to-do list according to responsibilities. Although the specifics may vary a little bit, the gist is the same: every task has an assigned steward.<br /><br />I recently officiated a wedding for a couple who had indicated that they wanted to include a sand ceremony as part of their celebration. I wrote the appropriate text, emailed them the entire ceremony ahead of time, and we went over the details at the rehearsal. Except the part about who would bring the vessels, and the preferred shades of sand.<br /><br />Since the sand ceremony is a highly personal and personalized contemporary ritual, I assumed that this couple would select (and later, keep) their own vessels, their own colors of sand, and bring them with them to the wedding. Hundreds of my other couples have done so, without incident. <br /><br />However, I should never have assumed anything. And they arrived for their wedding well-coiffed, beautifully dressed, and empty handed. The venue owner and I quickly improvised with some lovely little vases and sugar -- so nobody was any the wiser.<br /><br />From now on, I will travel with a sand ceremony set in my car, just in case. And I will remember to remind a couple who requests a sand ceremony that they should select their choices of the items needed, and bring them to the wedding.Jody Sereyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02389238141690829684noreply@blogger.com0